Why it is difficult to have a real open and honest conversation about race?

"If you have never had a conversation about race, with someone of a different race, then you are part of the problem." Former Senator Bill Bradley I love the above quote. It goes right to the heart of the matter. Civil discourse leads to action. Action is an important tool in the civil rights battle. Earlier this week I looked forward to attending a conference session entitled "The Need for Difficult and Messy Conversations". I woke up the morning of the conference and checked my cell phone. There was a text message saying that the person conducting the session I was looking forward to attending was sick. The message further asked if I could step in and conduct the session. I said I would. Since I wasn't exactly sure in what direction the person who was to conduct this session was going to go, I decided to do what I do best. I focused on "Why it is difficult to have a real open and honest conversation about race". I felt the topic fit what was going on in this country. Then again, when isn't racism a current and relevant topic in this country? Sorry, that's another topic for another day. Anyway, my goal was to define a couple of terms used in the fight against racism and social justice, which also included defining the word racism. I also wanted to demonstrate how racism effects everyone including those perpetrating racism. After that was done I then wanted the audience to tell me "Why it is difficult to have a real open and honest conversation about race". Then at the conclusion I would give them my thoughts. There's an exercise I learned from the folks at "The People's Institute for Survival and Beyond". They are an anti-racism group that does workshop all over the world. I've used this exercise many times over the years and the learning from this exercise has always deep and meaningful to those who participate. The exercise requires putting on a board the labels White, Black, Brown, Red and Yellow, representing the different races of people in the United States. I explained to the group that I didn't particularly like the labels, but they served a purpose for the exercise. A young Asian adult and a young Native adult decided to get stuck on the labels "Red" and "Yellow". They called them "trigger" words and they let their opinion be known. These "trigger" words evoked negative feelings in them. I again apologized for the labels and I explained to them that this was the first time anyone had ever complained about the use of those labels. I told them I would look into the "trigger" words with the Asian and Native people I go to for information. Everyone has a right to their feelings and I try to respect others' feelings. The truth of the matter was, trying to list everyone on the board would have been impossible. There are too many ethnicities and cultures with skin the same color. Even the term Asian isn't narrow enough. A person could be Japanese, Chinese, Taiwanese or several other type of Asian person. The same can be said for every color used in the exercise. So, the best way to do the exercise is to used the labels commonly used in this country. But like Will Rogers once said, "Common sense ain't so common". A couple of months ago I had a group of diverse folks in the same session topic and I did the same exercise. After the session many people mentioned that the growth and the discussion was amazing. There was no mention of the labels by any of the groups represented and all groups were represented. To be honest, I wanted to tell the two people from earlier this week that they could leave. However, my education and my desire to reach folks where they are, convinced me to try to use the moment as a teaching moment. Minutes later I realized there would be no such teaching moment. So, I ran with what was transpiring and did the best I could to get them to see the bigger picture. In all the years I've fought against racism, I've learned several important lessons. One of them being, sometimes too much education can get in the way of learning. At the end many people were able to understand the meaning behind the exercise. However, the audience was robbed of the lessons that are normally learned from the discussion about and after the exercise. The good thing is some were able to deduce "Why it is difficult to have a real open and honest conversation about race". The bad thing is I could see one why racism will continue to be a difficult subject to discuss. This difficulty alone will prolong racism's existence. We, as people of color know and remind Whites about the part some of them play in perpetrating racism. What about the part some people of color play in feeding into this country's systems of racism? The one thing Dr. King, Malcolm X, Sitting Bull, Cesar Chavez, Steven Chu and Rev. James Reeb (a White pastor who marched with Dr. King). had in common, was they didn't allow "trigger" words to detour them from their goals. I have lived in Idaho for 40 years. In that time I have heard many derogatory things. I have seen many racists acts. I have also learned from those who came before me like Dr. Mamie Oliver and others. If we allow ourselves to get too distracted by what people say and write, our cause and our goals will be forgotten by tomorrow night (partially stolen from Ice-T lyrics). By the way, here is my answer to the question: "Why it is difficult to have a real open and honest conversation about race?" 1. Because most people do not have or know the true facts and consequences or even the definition of racism. 2. Knowledge beyond usefulness. Some people are so into the latest jargon and the need to impress others with their so-called intellect, they miss the meat and the spirit of the the fight for justice. This leads to being thin-skinned. Being thin-skinned is the enemy of social, civil and personal progress. 3. The most significant reason it is difficult to have a real open and honest conversation about race is because we don't know how to truly listen to each other. Hearing and listening aren't the same. Hearing is just sound. When we listen we assign meaning to what we hear. The real question is, are we truly untied as people of color? Do we really want to see progress for everyone? Or, are we all just fighting for our own people? I ask those questions because old school civil rights fighters may not have always agreed with each other, but they didn't sabotage each other's work, just because their feelings were hurt. There's an old saying, "The enemy of my enemy is my friend". My enemy is racism and when I go listen to others talk about fighting racism, I respect them. If I have a problem with what they said during their presentation I stay and talk to them about it. Those who want racism to continue, want us fighting against each other. They want racism sessions to not fully reach and teach their goals. Every second we spend fighting against each other over so-called "trigger" words, takes away from having effective communication, which may lead to progress in the fight against racism and social injustice.